Author Topic: For no particular reason..  (Read 31224 times)

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2010, 11:46:49 AM »
Man is out golfing with his minister.  On the first tee he hits a duck hook.  He says, "Shit!"  The minister says, "Hey, remember who your company is."

He finds his ball and hits his second shot into a bunker.  He says, "Shit!"  The minister says, "Hey, that's enough.  You don't want a giant lightning bolt to fall out of the sky, do you?"  They both chuckle.

The man dives into the bunker for his third shot and hits it over the green.  He says, "Shit!"  Immediately a lightning bolt strikes and kills the minister.  As the man stares in shock, a giant voice from the sky says, "Shit!"
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2010, 06:24:36 PM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWZm9SfGgSU

Cliff Bostock posted this on CL's Omnivore page, but I thought it was funny enough to repost here.
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline totm

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2010, 12:19:10 PM »
I challenge any fellow baby boomer to not find at least a little humor in Chech & Chong's "Santa Claus and His Old Lady."  Cracked me up yesterday.  Got a co-worker chuckling today.  Then he says that it may be the only C & C song he knows.  I immediately had to hit the high notes of "I got a basetball (sic) jones.  Every night I go sleep with my basetball (sic)."
"It's your last day on earth, what is your final bite to eat?" Eric Ripert

"A good potato with a slab of butter.  I'm a happy man." Joel Robuchon

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2010, 11:00:57 AM »
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2011, 08:53:07 AM »
Two men are wandering around a shopping mall looking lost when they run into each other.  One says to the other, "So what are you looking for?"  The other says, "My wife.  She said to meet her at the food court at three, but it's 3:30 and there's still no sign of her.  How about you?"  The first says, "I'm in the same boat, looking for my wife.  Hey, maybe we can team up and look for both of them at once.  What does your wife look like?"

The second man says, "Well, her name is Ursula, and she's Swedish.  She's 5' 7, 125 pounds, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she's wearing a bright red blouse with a plunging neckline and a gold lame miniskirt.  So what does your wife look like?"

"It doesn't matter," the first man says.  "Let's just look for your wife."
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline Larkemon

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2011, 09:34:03 AM »
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire post. A man is still looking at his thumb

Offline Jmolinari

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2011, 01:13:15 PM »
lulz...you said penis

Offline Mike GadgetGeek Stock

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #22 on: January 08, 2011, 04:59:56 PM »
lulz...you said penis


Which reminds me..  Jamo, when are you going to do a stuffed double bull penis..   what is the word......

Nasone  Penisone ?

I'll slice it and eat it with you if you do it?

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Offline KoPP

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #23 on: January 08, 2011, 05:13:53 PM »
lulz...you said penis


Which reminds me..  Jamo, when are you going to do a stuffed double bull penis..   what is the word......

Nasone  Penisone ?

I'll slice it and eat it with you if you do it?

.
The scary thing is that there's a name for it.

Offline Jmolinari

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #24 on: January 08, 2011, 09:09:21 PM »
hah, no...GG's nephew or someone came up with the name...seems appropriate...
i don't have that on my "to make" list...sorry GG:)

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2011, 06:33:19 AM »

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake.

You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, who ties your shoelaces?

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Offline Foodgeek

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2011, 07:25:04 AM »
My mother forwarded this to me via text message:

Sometimes . . . when you cry . . . no one sees your tears. . .
Sometimes . . . when you are in pain . . . no one sees your hurt . . .
Sometimes . . . when you are worried . . . no one sees your stress . . .
Sometimes . . . when you are happy . . . no one sees your smile . . .

But try masturbating in Walmart parking lot just one fucking time & see how much fucking attention you get.

Can you pick me up from the police station?
Food is my favorite.

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2011, 08:16:46 AM »
I'm not sure which is funnier, the joke or the fact that your mother forwarded it.
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #28 on: January 10, 2011, 09:45:15 AM »
Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, who ties your shoelaces?

You can't do epic shit with basic people.

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline totm

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #29 on: January 10, 2011, 10:02:54 AM »
I'm not sure which is funnier, the joke or the fact that your mother forwarded it.

Or the fact that two married people keep up with each other on a message board using their new smart phones at home on a snow day.
"It's your last day on earth, what is your final bite to eat?" Eric Ripert

"A good potato with a slab of butter.  I'm a happy man." Joel Robuchon

 

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