Author Topic: For no particular reason..  (Read 18899 times)

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #120 on: February 12, 2012, 07:33:28 AM »
Facebook problems in your home?

Caution: Some colorful verbage and descriptiveness. (After all, he IS a Dad).

Some viewing this can relate, I know we can.

http://www.wtvr.com/news/ktvi-father-shoots-daughters-computer-for-disrespectful-facebook-post-20120210,0,5687147.htmlstory
« Last Edit: February 12, 2012, 07:46:22 AM by MadBob »
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #121 on: February 12, 2012, 07:41:42 AM »
Lessee, I was going to put this in Atrium under Employment, but decided it was better off here.

Caution: Some Language....

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT..' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?' she asked the second man..

'Hmmm....let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant... 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline The_Scientist

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #122 on: February 16, 2012, 10:39:36 PM »
A physicist, a biologist and a chemist visit the ocean for the first time. The physicist is fascinated by the waves, and decides to get closer to study the fluid dynamics. He walks into the water until he disappears. The biologist is fascinated by the fish, seaweed and algae, and decides to get closer to study the ecosystem. He walks into the water until he disappears. The chemist stands on the beach and looks out at the water for several hours, then writes in his notebook, "Physicists and biologists are soluble in water."
"Crayons taste like purple" - Tardy the Turtle

Offline Mike GadgetGeek Stock

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #123 on: February 19, 2012, 09:50:49 AM »


BREAKING:

CNN says nuclear attack by North Korea would not affect Whitney Houston coverage.

....
Finding offense where none is intended is a form of selfishness.

When facts change, I change my mind.  What do you do?

It's a poor craftsman that blames his tools.

Offline Mike GadgetGeek Stock

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #124 on: February 20, 2012, 01:09:09 PM »


I just got a phone call from my nieces coming back from the circus.  They were NOT able to get a bag of elephant or lion poop for my garden.  The took along a bag and everything, and I guess they asked for it, but someone told them it was for sale not for giving away.  So I got none.   The deer will run rampant in my smallish garden with no zoo-poo....

.....
Finding offense where none is intended is a form of selfishness.

When facts change, I change my mind.  What do you do?

It's a poor craftsman that blames his tools.

Offline totm

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #125 on: February 21, 2012, 07:14:31 AM »
I just got a phone call from my nieces coming back from the circus.  They were NOT able to get a bag of elephant or lion poop for my garden.  The took along a bag and everything, and I guess they asked for it, but someone told them it was for sale not for giving away.  So I got none.   The deer will run rampant in my smallish garden with no zoo-poo....
I've seen elephant poop for sale at Hastings.  I'm not surprised that RBB&B wants to make a few cents off their crap.
"It's your last day on earth, what is your final bite to eat?" Eric Ripert

"A good potato with a slab of butter.  I'm a happy man." Joel Robuchon

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #126 on: March 04, 2012, 09:36:42 AM »
I don't understand why strippers get mad when I tip with monopoly money, I mean.... are those real t*#s? I didn't think so.
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #127 on: March 04, 2012, 09:37:29 AM »
Client:  I’m sick & tired of being on probation!  I don’t want them coming to my house to do their damned searches.
Lawyer:  Well, you’ll be on probation and subject to searches until you get your fines and fees paid.
Client:  If they come to my house again to search, there’s going to be a fight.
Lawyer:  Do you know how many deputies it will take to kick your ass?
Client:  No.  How many?
Lawyer:  I don’t know.  But, I can assure that they will bring as many as it takes.  Now, the decision is yours.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2012, 09:52:02 AM by MadBob »
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #128 on: June 17, 2012, 08:33:42 AM »
Here we go again:

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and
'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try
Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline rwcohen

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #129 on: August 27, 2012, 05:15:28 PM »
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD... Read it all



1. U can't count your hair
2. U can't wash your eyes with soap
3. U can't breathe when your tongue is out


Put your tongue back in fool.


10 Things I know about you...

1) U are reading this
2) U are human.
3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) U just attempted to do it
6) U are laughing at yourself
7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
8) U just checked to see if there is a No.5
9) U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
10) U are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
Oscar Levant

A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
Morey Amsterdam

Offline Mike GadgetGeek Stock

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #130 on: September 12, 2012, 11:54:28 AM »


 The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director,"
she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80 's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(wait for it)




She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Finding offense where none is intended is a form of selfishness.

When facts change, I change my mind.  What do you do?

It's a poor craftsman that blames his tools.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #131 on: December 24, 2012, 07:39:42 AM »
Tired? Out of shape? Worried about how to lose those extra pounds you are acquiring for the Holidays?
 
Worry no longer. Get yourself a Tug Toner!
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jby0I-zLj9c

(I just pass them on)
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #132 on: February 03, 2013, 08:32:24 AM »
Here it is.

WalMart People.... Set to music.
 
Skip the ad in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

Play it LOUD!
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghrDIQ-K8mg&feature=player_embedded
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #133 on: February 09, 2013, 07:28:20 AM »
For you folks who plan to use the "Beltline" for staying in shape, or while hiking or mountain biking or whatever!

http://gizmodo.com/5982916/how-could-anyone-not-want-a-product-called-the-strap-and-crap?popular=true
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

Offline MadBob

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Re: For no particular reason..
« Reply #134 on: February 23, 2013, 07:43:22 AM »
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

  A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

  The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

  "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

  "That must've been scary," said the teacher.

  "It sure was," said the little girl.

  "My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,' but before she could say 'DANG!*,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

  The teacher had to leave the room.

* Verbage changed to keep it friendly and family oriented.
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress"
Ronald Reagan

Beer is why I get up every afternoon.

 

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